(Parody of Justin Bieber's song "Love Yourself".)
Reporter: Cristiano, why haven't you scored away from home in so long?
Cristiano Arrogantaldo: What?!
Reporter: And do you think the friendship between MSN has given them the edge over BBC?
Cristiano Arrogantaldo: What?! So we'd win more trophies if we were best friends? Pffff... And we should be bum-chums just like MSN? *pukes* That kind of bromance is a little bit wrong. You think that sh*t went down were I came from?
Roy Meane: You feckin' langers!
Cristiano Arrogantaldo: I don't want to sing this song 'cause I don't want anyone thinking that I care what you say, and tell me who's scored more goals than me away? No one. True, we don't get on, but on the pitch that means nothing! I'm sick of covering the cracks, maybe you would like to know that...
Cristiano Arrogantaldo and Ed Sheeran: My mama don't like Bale and she likes everyone! Apart from Messi. And me and Benzema once slept round at his mum's. But then Valbuena came along and Karim turned a camera on! Now I know, it's better sleeping in my home! Yes, I don't like Gareth and Karim much, but at least I really love myself! And now I've scored away, you don't need BFF's to win, so you can go and f*** yourself.
Chewy Suarez: Nice job, man.
Ed Sheeran: Thanks, dude.
Chewy Suarez: You want to hang out?
Cristiano Arrogantaldo: What the hell?