(Parody of "Rude" by Magic!)
Arsey Whinger: Wednesday morning, jumped out of my bed. And put on my best suit. Get in my car, took a private jet, all the way to Piraeus. Two goals we must score - it's in our own hands. But our strikers are crocked...
Arsey Whinger: You're not even fit! You're extremely fit - but not rated by the fans! What a big decision! Can I trust you upfront? You can start on the right...
Theo Walcott: What?!
Arsey Whinger: Say yes, say yes - 'cause I need two goals.
Theo Walcott: Give me your blessing up front tonight.
Arsey Whinger: Tough luck, Theo. The answer is no. Haha - we've got Oliver Girude! Scoring three! We're going through! Haha - we've got Oliver Girude! I'm not gay but can you marry me anyway?
Arsey Whinger: Saved my arse-nal today!
Arsey Whinger: Ignore what fickle fans say!
Arsey Whinger: You're so goddamn sexy! I'm not gay but can you marry me anyway? Oliver Girude! You sexy man.