442oons Wiki

"Old but not obsolete."

Bernieslaven Ivanitch is Serbestia and Zenit defender. He used to play for Chelsea Bus Company. Bernie Slaven was one of the three players bitten by Chewy Suarez.

He plays for West Brom Albion in the premier league. He has a very deep voice and is very serious, possibly by the fact that he is a Terminator. (On some videos his mechanical arm can be seen.)

He is able to travel in time and space.


He first appeared when Suarez bites him. He later on appeared in Jaws parody called Teethwhere he is bitten again by Suarez. He appeared on many Chelsea videos. His main appearences were his goals against Leavethepool in the English Cup and against PSZ in the Champions League 2014/15. He also appeared on Phace Jones' Song.

After playing at Chelsea for 9 years, he left the club and went to play for Avengers St Petersburg.


Chewy Suarez

Suareaz biting Ivanitch.

Chewy Suarez bit Ivanitch during one match of Chelsea against Leavethepool, thus revealing his mechanical arm. Despite this and Brani accepted it, said he wouldn't cry because he was a "cybernetic organism sent from the future to protect Suarez". Really, 442oons was inspired.Very Inspired.So it means that Ivanitch is just trying to make Suarez bad,really bad,to make Whatevra cry,abusing him.So it means that Ivanitch came with Whatevra just for Suarez to abuse him,in inappropriate ways for his size and naviety.

In the first 442oons video, Ivanitch and Whatevra visits a jailed Suarez. In Hwan Mata's Song about not being happy in Chelski, a scene shows Suarez chasing Ivanitch presumably trying to bite him. During the Jaws parody called Teeth, after biting Whinger's and Whatevra's heads off, Suarez bit Ivanitch's arm and carried him while swimming away.

He reappered during the Rabidass Boots commercial starring Suarez, where he clearly stated how he (and some other people) liked the boots but still hated Suarez. He also remembered about Suarez bite during the Draw My Life with Suarez.

Schlong Terry

Bernieslaven asking help from Terry.

Terry and Branislav were presumably good teammates during Brani's time playing for Chelsea, specially because they were both defenders. During the first song about Jose's Bus, Branislav punched Terry after he said that he had slept with other teammates wives (including Brani's). Terry also celebrates Brani's goal against PSZ.

During the second song about Jose's Bus and how things were getting bad at Chelsea, Brani asks Terry to teach him how to defend because he had forgotten how to do so. During Terry and Eyezil's Q&A, Branislav marks Eyezil giving Terry the opportunity to "mark" Mrs. Eyezil.

Arsey Whinger and Patrice Whatevra

Brani sailing with Whatevra and Whinger in Titanicklasbendtner.

All of them went together in a boat to sail when they were attacked by Suarez as a shark. Brani gets in shock when Suarez bites off the heads of his two pals.

Brani also appeared with Whatevra other times as as well because of what Suarez have done to them.

During Chelsea's defeat to Arsenal in 2016/17 season, Arsey Whinger commented on how Branislav got bad.

Vinjury Kompany

Kompany headbuting Ivanitch's head into the goal.

Kompany headbutts Brani's head into the goal during Chelsea's defeat to Man Sheiky for the Premier League 2015/16. Branislav had no reaction.

Ass-smear Begovich

Bernieslaven coming to protect Ass-smear Begovich.

During Champions League 2015/16 in a match agaisnt FC Pothole, Bernieslaven Ivanitch teleported in front of Begovich, claiming that he had came there to protect him, but ended up distracting the goalkeeper enough to he not defend a goal. As a response, Ivanitch claimed how he needed a vacation.

Not-So-Super-Mario Balotelli and Stevie Wellard

Bernieslaven speaking to Mario.

During a match for the League Cup in 2015, Bernieslaven turns off the lights and teleports in the middle of the box when Chelski had a free-kick. He then tells Mario to come with him if he wanted to live, to which Mario accepts and asks if it was suposed to be a loan or a permanent deal.

After Ivanitch scored the goal after the free-kick is taken, he says his goodbyes to Stevie.

Adam The Llama

Bernieslaven stepping in Adam The Llama's hand.

Bernieslaven steps in Adam's hand during a match in Premier League 2016/17. Despite this, the referee didn't give him a card.



  • He was one of the characters who debuted in 442oons' first video but we can only see his back in that video.
  • He is a parody of Terminator because he is very serious. After Suarez bites him, it is revealed that he has a mechanical arm and his mechanical arm is shown in some other occasions.